Understanding doesn’t mean saying yes. This is one of the most misunderstood ideas in connected parenting. Trying to understand why your child is melting down doesn’t mean the behavior gets approved or that the boundary disappears. A child throwing a bowl isn’t “winning.” They’re overwhelmed. Something feels out of control. Maybe the morning is rushed. Maybe school feels hard. Maybe it’s just one thing too many. You can name what’s happening and hold the line: “Breakfast feels really hard this morning. You wish you had the red bowl.” And still: “The red bowl isn’t available. These are your options.” That’s not permissive. That’s steady leadership. When we skip understanding, we often reach for punishment. But when we understand what’s underneath the behavior, we can teach the skill that’s missing - tolerating frustration, using words, handling disappointment. That’s how behavior actually changes. Not through fear, but through skills and support. It makes us wonder: What if understanding is what makes boundaries stronger, not weaker? Speaker: Dr. Becky Kennedy Source: Dr. Becky Kennedy: The 5 Parenting Mistakes You Never Want To Make | Mighty Pursuit Podcast