Tantrums are threat responses, not disobedience. When a child “sees red,” they’re not choosing to be difficult. Their nervous system just registered a threat. Fight, flight, and freeze aren’t behaviors; they’re survival reflexes. And for a young brain, the trigger doesn’t have to be danger. It can be the wrong color cup. Their body can’t yet distinguish real threat from imagined threat, so the panic feels real. Part of growing up is learning to recognize those early warning signs and interrupt the spiral. Kids learn that skill by watching us notice our own cues - clenched hands, shallow breathing, tightening shoulders. As Dr. Pressman explains, simple safety signals can shift the brain out of crisis: - Take a slow breath. - Take a sip of water. - Run your hands under cold water. Those cues tell the body: you’re safe enough to pause. When we resist meeting our child at the height of their panic, we become the extinguisher, not more fuel. It makes us wonder: what changes when we treat tantrums like fear instead of defiance? Speaker: Dr. Aliza Pressman Source: You Learn This Too Late: Understanding This Will Change the Way You Look at Your Relationships | The Mel Robbins Podcast